The Struggle is Real - Mental Health & Single Mothers

I was two months shy of my 18th birthday when I gave birth to my first daughter. This was also the beginning of my life as a single mother. I had not finished high school because I had missed too much school due to morning sickness, fatigue and now that I look back on it, probably depression. I had a “partner” who had helped me create this little being but because we were both so young, he did not really know how to be a parent. He was busy being an 18-year-old teenage boy, babies were not high on the priority list. I had support from my mom in trying to raise my daughter, but the reality was that it was tough; financially, physically, socially, and mentally. Soon your friends fall away because well, you do not really have a lot in common anymore. Having baby in a committed relationship with a partner to help can be lonely and challenging. Having a baby without someone else there to support you is downright lonely. As described by Dr. Marika Lindholm in the article, 8 Mental Health Challenges Single Moms Face, disconnection from community leads to feelings of isolation.

“When a woman becomes a single mom — whether by choice or circumstance — her friends often drift away when she needs them the most. Friends may choose sides, feel awkward or be unable to relate to a single mom’s new reality. Disconnection from community gives rise to feelings of alienation and hopelessness. “ (Lindholm, 2016)

These feelings of being disconnected with your support network impact your mental

health greatly. I remember being along, with my baby, she was crying and all I wanted was for someone, anyone to tell me it would be ok, this will pass. As I write this, I remember the sting of loneliness and hopelessness I felt at that time.

I was working part time as a waitress, collecting welfare, and trying to complete my grade 12 diploma. I was exhausted, struggling to make enough money for food and my mood dipped lower. Worrying about where I might get the money from to make it through the month caused a lot of worry and anxiety. I would buy boxes of Mr. Noodles, no name products and anything that I knew would not spoil over the next few weeks. Now we have all heard that money cannot buy happiness but believe me when I say, maybe it cannot buy happiness, but it can sure help. The direct correlation between the stress, anxiety, and low mood I felt because I was constantly worried about money is real. This is discussed in the Journal article assessing the impact of economic hardships in single mothers.

“Assessing depressive symptoms in single mothers and analyzing the risk factors can be helpful for designing the policies and services required to promote mental health in single-parent households. Compared with married mothers of two-parent households, major depression risk factors among single mothers relate more to economic hardship than psychological duress. “ (Ga Eun Kim, 2018)

What I would have given for some support from an outside source that knew the impacts of isolation and poverty, particularly for single mothers. Single mothers face a real and unique set of circumstances. Having people who understand and can support those needs is so under-rated. Its hard to leave your pride at the door, to enter a food bank and admit that you do not have the means to provide food for your children. How can we make this easier, less embarrassing and demeaning? I am not implying that the people who put in countless hours at these resources are to blame for making people feel shameful. I am implying that as a society we are to blame, we need to do better. We need more programs to assist mothers in economic support and training, to empower them and give them a blueprint to independence. One of these programs being run by the BC provincial government is aiming to do just that. “The Single Parent Employment Initiative” is not only for single mothers but for single parents, no matter the gender. The goal of the initiative is to secure long-term employment. As a part of the training initiative the program provides, funding for childcare, transportation costs, health supplement costs including optical, dental and prescriptions.

Although this program is aimed at getting people off social assistance it is a good start to helping single parents to live a more financially stable life for themselves and their children. Being able to provide some financial independence helps with self esteem, social connectedness and over all improvements in mental health. The study titled “Relationship among Employment Status, Stressful Life Events, and Depression in Single Mothers” concluded:

” Analyses of variations in patterns of stressful events and depression by employment status (employment or SA – social assistance) revealed that single mothers receiving SA reported a larger number of stressful events specific to housing instability, social isolation, family composition, physical and mental illness, and financial instability than employed single mothers. The prevalence of depressive symptoms in this sample of single mothers was extremely high, with more than 65% of participants reporting symptoms consistent with moderate or severe depression. However, much of the burden of illness fell on participants with the lowest socio-economic status. Fifteen percent of employed parents reported symptoms consistent with severe depression, compared to 67% of SA recipients. Results of multiple regression analysis revealed that 41.5% of the variation in depressive symptoms among single mothers was explained by employment status and stressful events with, employment status most of the variance”. (Samuels-Dennis, 2006)

I am no longer that person, I am now a 43-year-old married mother of 3. I have a great career and am following my passion for mental health and a dream of obtaining a master’s degree in health. I have come a long way, but I will not forget those years, they are what formed me, educated me, and started me on my journey in health. I would love to be a catalyst for change in trying to support those impacted by social isolation and financial instability. I would like to take my lived experience and find ways to lessen the negative effects on a mother’s mental health through prevention and intervention.

References

Enza Gucciardi, N. C. (2014). Single-mother Families in Canada. Canadian Journal of Public Health / Revue Canadienne de Santé Publique, 70-73.

Ga Eun Kim, H.-Y. C.-J. (2018). Impact of economic problems on depression in single mothers: A comparative study with married women. Plos One.

Lindholm, D. M. (2016, November 23). 8 Mental Health Challenges Single Moms Face. Retrieved from Talk Space: https://www.talkspace.com/blog/8-mental-health-challenges-single-moms-face/

Samuels-Dennis, J. (2006). Relationship among Employment Status, Stressful Life Events, and Depression in Single Mothers. Canadian Journal of Nursing Research, 59-80.